Bullet Points – RuPaul’s Drag Race 05:08

“I’ve had it! Officially!”

No, I’m not quoting Detox. (Well, I am but that’s beside the point.) I’ve had it with some of these queens!

It’s at this point at the season that I’m ready for Miss Ru to take the pruning shears to some of these girls and get rid of the dead wood. And some of the girls’s attitudes are getting on my last good nerve. Not that I’m over this season; far from it. In fact this has been one of the best seasons of the show so far. But I am ready for the axe to fall on some of these girls’s heads.

But first it’s time for a distraction with a game of Memory…

 

“And the winner,” Ru rightfully declared, “is every straight woman and gay man in America!”

Well, the actual winner of the mini-challenge is Ivy. But the real perk of winning is that Ivy gets a phone call home to her mother.

At this point Ru reveals the main challenge: the girls must create a signature perfume, then create a commercial to sell said perfume (directed by Michelle and performer Aubrey O’Day). While people may complain that this is something no drag queen would ever have to do (like last year’s magazine challenge), it does force the girls to distill and consolidate their brand and who they are as performers. Basically it’s a lesson in Personal Branding 101 wrapped in a campy shell.

And while it was shocking to hear Jinkx admit her feelings for Ivy (frankly, I was expecting the rumored kai kai of the season to be Detox and Roxxxy), I was more shocked by the rift between the pageant queens (Alyssa, Roxxy, and Coco in particular) and the comedy queens (Detox, Alaska, and Jinkx).

Runway time, and Ru is a vision in day-glo orange, as Knots Landing alumna Joan Van Ark joins Ru, Michelle, Santino, and Aubrey. And while Aubrey’s commentary was all over the place in her attempts to be bitchy, Joan’s comments were bitchy and on point.

So let’s put on our reading glasses and repeat this post’s mantra; “I’ve Had It!”

ALASKA, I’ve Had It with your looks looking the same every single time. And while I am thrilled that you managed to finally win a challenge (and deservedly so), and managed to pull together a look that is a departure from your usual Ronnie Spector-inspired hair, I need you to keep pushing. While I am sure you will be in the top three, I don’t know if it’s guaranteed.

ALYSSA, while I was living for her 80s Soap Opera look on the runway,  I’ve Had It with her clueless bordering on delusional attitude about the competition. She needs to take a hard look at herself and get over herself right now. The ONLY thing keeping her in this competition is that she’s a strong performer when it comes to the lip sync.

DETOX, I’ve Had It with you not bringing it to the challenges like you should. The runway look was a mess! That said, the concept for “Heroine” was a great double entendre and the commercial was funny.

ROXXXY, while I approved of you womaning up regarding your poor treatment of Miss Monsoon, I’ve Had It with not only the sameness of your looks, but the sheer lack of any personality you have. And while the idea of Thick and Juicy was cute, the execution left me flat.

JINKX, I love you girl, and your look on the runway was adorable, and your commercial was hilarious. But I’ve Had It with your “Water off a duck’s back / I’m Doing Me!” shtick. I’m starting to agree with the others that your sweet, innocent act is truly an act. Knock it off, girl! You’re better than this! Plus, if you haven’t figured out by now that you’re one of the top girls in the cut, then you really are Delusional. Knock it off, Eve Harrington!

COCO, I Have Had It with you! In every way! Not only was your commercial tacky, point and laugh bad, but your attempts at shit-stirring and then pretending you’re above it all just make you look like a stank bitch! Put it another way: You don’t have Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent. You just have the first four letters.

And one more thing, Miss Lady…

Bebe Zahara Bennet called and left a message. She didn’t approve of your knockoff!

IVY, while she is a sweet girl and has a decent look to her, I’ve Had It with her lack of personality and her constant relying on her looks to get her through. True, Ru did rattle her (the Poisoned Rosebud concept could have worked) but what she came up with was as bland as white bread.

And apparently Ru Has Had It too, because as soon as it was Alyssa and Ivy in the bottom it was no surprise who was going home. While I’m sad to see Ivy go (it’s refreshing to see a genuinely nice person on this show), I’m frankly not surprised.

Originally Published on 19 March 2013 as part of “The Idiot Box,” my column for l’etoile magazine.

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One comment

  1. Pingback: Bullet Points – RuPaul’s Drag Race 01:03 | Todd O'Dowd

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