Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race….
Once Upon A Time, there were thirteen drag queens all vying to be America’s Next Drag Superstar…..
- Then Alisa Summers was eliminated. (Meh.)
- Then LaShawn Beyond was eliminated. (Good kid, but no.)
- Then The Princess was eliminated. (See last comment.)
- Then Madame LaQueer was eliminated. (Misguided, but sweet.)
- Then Kenya Michaels was eliminated. (Mommy, she scares me!)
- Then Milan was eliminated. (If you’re going to do genderf*ck, come correct Miss Honey!)
- Then Jiggly Caliente was eliminated. (Adieu, plus-sized Jujubee.)
- Then Willam was disqualified. (Say WHAT?!?)
- Then Dida Ritz was eliminated. (Adios darling, but thanks for that kick ass lip-synch to that Natalie Cole number. Easily one of the best lip-synchs in the show’s history.)
- Then Kenya Michaels was brought back, and promptly eliminated again. (“No. Mo. Hos!”)
- Then Latrice Royale was eliminated. (Side Note to Auntie Ru: I think I speak for the commentariat when I say that We Are Still Pissed about this!)
Since this episode was the recap episode, I decided that in lieu of a recap of a recap, I would use this time for series of posts on the final three. We’ll take a look at each of the remaining queens, analyze their strengths & weaknesses, and make bold predictions of how things will shake out.
First up we will discuss this exotic creature…
Please hold your bile till the end. If I have to do it, then you all most certainly can!
Ah, Phi Phi O’Hara. The queen we all hate to love (but absolutely love to hate). Never has there been a contestant on this show whose ambition has been so nakedly on display (to the point of obnoxiousness). But to be fair, there are some good points in her favor. Not as many as her fellow finalists, but enough to honestly make her a viable candidate for the crown (and one big factor which I’ll go into at the end).
- She actually has talent. She’s proven (in the sitcom challenge, in the singing challenge, and in the final video) that she can handle a camera without too much issue.
- When she concentrates, her makeup and body look great.
- She actually has somewhat of an eye for making things look good whether it was her float in the Pride Challenge or her DILF drag sister in the pregnancy challenge. Even her costumes, which she mostly makes herself, are pretty well done.
- As talented as she is, she’s not as funny as she thinks she is. She needs help with her delivery (maybe she can ask The Help).
- As good as her makeup can look at times, the majority of her makeup (and hair in particular) have a tendency to add at least two decades to her. She still hasn’t figured out what to do with face and hair to flatter her to her best degree. And speaking of flattering, she needs to take a look at her paddings; the proportions are off between the top half and the bottom half.
- But her biggest issue is her attitude. I am not going to belie her bullied past, but she has no self awareness about her attitude towards her fellow queens, which is basically bullying them. It’s this lack of self awareness and social graces that may be what gets her eliminated (unless Ru has another moment and gives the win to her to stir shit up).
And now, in lieu of THE DRAG RACE SCOREBOARD, I am proud to present THE C.U.N.T. SCORE; a breakdown of what this queen has to offer in the necessary fields from 0 to 5 and then averaged:
- Charisma: 1
- Uniqueness: 2
- Nerve: 5
- Talent: 4
- C.U.N.T. SCORE = 3
My prediction: Unless the other two royally fuck things up, I see Phi Phi O’Hara coming in third.